Cultivating Faith Under Stress
I struggle with faith, I always have. If I can’t see it, hear it or feel it, it’s hard for me to believe it’s there. And I am so envious of those who just have it. It is rock solid for them and they never seem to waiver in their conviction or belief that God or a higher power or whatever they call it, is there for them. I want that kind of belief in faith, I truly do.
Although I am in the process of collecting stories from other women who have gone through adversity, make no mistake; I’ve got my own story to tell. And at some point I will. In the meantime I am trying to muddle through what is beginning to feel like an endless string of bad patches. And faith is first and foremost in my mind right now.
It seems to dance around me, taunting and teasing me. It alights upon my shoulder when I’m having a good day. But when the chips are down, and the stress is heightened, faith eludes me, like the golden fireflies of summer. I pray for faith, I meditate on it and I affirm that I have it. And yet…I know it has not sunk deep into my soul yet. I just finished reading Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss. What a great book! She is medical intuitive and amazingly insightful.
One of my favorite lines in her book is:
“Choice is the process of creation itself.”
Lately I am imagining “faith” and “fear” sitting like two entities, one upon each of my shoulders (kind of like the devil and angel in an old cartoon). The choice really is mine in who gets to stay and who needs to go. I just need to keep reminding myself of this day by day. Hopefully the day will arrive, preferably sooner than later, when faith has knocked fear on it’s butt and left by the side of the road to fend for itself.
I’ve got faith that it will.
–Eva Lee
